How to Disengage Narcissism
Narcissism is everywhere. Narcissists can be found in relationships, spirituality, social media, politics, culture, & even in Ourselves. To me, a basic definition of narcissism is the repetitive behavior of extreme self-absorption & egoic motivation regardless of the consequences.
Recently, I encountered deep rooted narcissism and it made me stop & question.
When we become entangled in the energy of toxic narcissism - how can we reproach with mindfulness & compassion?
How do we disengage narcissism on all levels of the spectrum?
In this essay, I will address narcissism from an energetic & psychological perspective based on my personal experience - I am not a medical expert. I also offer a few mindfulness tips to healthily combat narcissism. The latter half of this writing is a personal account of my encounter with high-level narcissism and what I did to return to peace.
First, let me establish a claim here. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. There are varying levels of narcissistic traits that we all carry. Often, when we encounter a higher leveled narcissistic, the traits that are triggering are the ones that we exemplify - unconsciously. To be on the mid to lower end of narcissistic behavior requires balanced self-esteem, consciousness, awareness, & empathy.
Here is an excerpt from an interview with W. Keith Campbell, author of The New Science of Narcissism w/ host of Sounds True, Tami Simon:
TAMI: You say that narcissism exists on a spectrum. So let’s start there. Can you explain the spectrum?
WKC: Yes. There’s two ways to think about that. The first is that narcissism is a personality trait, just like extroversion or being introverted or being a little weird. And people range on that trait from high to low, with most people in the middle. It’s sort of a normal distribution. And so you can think about narcissism as a spectrum. Some people are very narcissistic, some are moderately narcissistic, some are very low in narcissism. When people are very, very high and it leads to significant problems, that can be diagnosed as a personality disorder. So narcissistic personality disorder is at the very high end of that spectrum of narcissism, and you add to that, some impairment to it—it messes your life up, ruins your relationships, ruins your job, it can be a disorder—but the trait is something we all have some amount of.
SOURCE: https://resources.soundstrue.com/podcast/w-keith-campbell-the-new-science-of-narcissism/
Second, narcissism can be healthy. If you are feeling confident & high-self esteem, one could say that you are experiencing healthy narcissism. Narcissism becomes especially toxic when paired with more severe personality disorders. In these circumstances it is imperative that these individuals receive professional help & diagnosis. Often, they don’t receive help and resort to spiraling downward behavior, often at the hands of enabling friends & family. We must accept that there is no perfect solution for highly complex, deep-rooted ill-being. We must accept responsibility for our own energy, and not become attached to the victimization, narcissism brings out.
When we become entangled in the energy of toxic narcissism - how can we reproach mindfully?
How do we disengage narcissism on all levels of the spectrum?
Recognize & Identify the level of narcissism you are up against.
Understand that higher level or more complicated personality disorders will require professional resources. Do not assume full responsibility on your own. Ask for help.
Remain embodied & remember your presence.
Breath deep & scan the body. Place a hand on your chest to steady your heart beat & breath.
Forgive & Let go.
Simply say, “I forgive.” “I let go.” You need nothing more than this to begin disengaging from the snares of toxic energy. You do not need to hash out the details or plead your case. Repeat as often as necessary, “I forgive.” “I let go.”
Set healthy boundaries.
Boundaries come in many forms: it may mean settling limits of exposure, changing how you respond, or ending the relationship entirely.
Write down your experience, share with others, & do your research.
While at large our public systems are failing, there are countless resources and people who do offer help. Trust that the universe will provide the assistance you need.
My Story
The human in conflict with my psyche was a former friend. An individual I trusted in my home. This person entered my domicile without permission while I was on vacation & robbed us of a number of possessions. We had no idea who did it until, an unmasking of numerous lies, deceptions & more thievery came to light. Reflecting back, they had always shown high levels of narcissism & dishonesty. At this time, I enacted heavy boundaries, ended the friendship, & disengaged completely.
Flash forward to now - this human pops up on my feed in the form of a GoFundMe, shared by another friend. Seeing the page incited a renewal of anger & deep gutted feeling that this is yet another grift for attention, now possibly to the extent of major fraud.
I was initially enraged when I encountered the narcissistic energy. I wanted to demolish it with daggers of lightning. I also wanted to protect anyone else from experiencing the deception, I experienced. I was “so clearly” seeing the Truth of the matter at hand. In reality, my positive energy was hijacked by the need for revenge & redemption.
So often, we are addicted to being right. When I let go of my need to “be right” I made space for my heart to open and soften.
My fiery reactions have now morphed into more of a response & while there’s obviously still a part of me that wants to expose this person for who they are, I must also listen to a bigger part of me that truly wants to disengage this energy. I am also aware that it is important to tell this story & offer it up as contemplation for you, the reader.
The human in conflict with my psyche is yes a human - perhaps not given the best upbringing - which yes - heavily contributes to dangerous, criminal, & self-sabotaging adults. And at the same time where do we hold a council of accountability for these individuals? The mental health sector & prison systems are probably the most flawed at delivering justice, yet that’s where you are headed if you are poor and suffering from unmanageable ill-being.
The truth is all mental, physical, & emotional sickness is but one side of the same coin that also includes happiness. When we fall out of balance, we experience hardship, unbridled misfortune. Forgiveness, presence, acceptance, & intention will always redirect your energy back into harmony. We are all interconnected and the responsibility that I take for my own inner landscape, directly benefits & relates to the external world.
Green Heart Dharma is a space to remember who we all really are. I want to work to bring this energy into all that we offer, including my own personal life experiences. I am a gifted teacher, and at the same time I acknowledge that I am always a student - learning, growing, and humbling myself to the endless possibilities that exist.
I am happy to share my experience because it helps me heal to talk about it. It is my intention to live from the heart & I trust that all is received in love. & that my intention is to live from the heart.
If you’ve experienced an encounter with narcissism, I would love to hear from you and the insights you’ve garnered.
Much love!
Julie
